Is there a definite stopping point physically when in a Christian dating relationship? Have we gone too far?

I have posted this several times, but I am looking for new answers and more opinions. I have a general idea about this, but I want to see some feedback. Thanks. I go to church and I have been to the Christian conferences. They all say, "Don't have sex." But none of them tell you what sex actually is, like what all counts. My boyfriend and I are completely in love and are planning on getting engaged and married after we graduate college. We both love God and want to follow Him in everything we do. This includes how we act around each other. We want to be able to show each other how much we love each other. We want to be able to do this physically, but we are not sure how far we can go. We kiss and hug and cuddle up to watch a movie. Right now we do not go farther than that. We have gone farther, all the way to oral, but felt that we should not be going that far, at least as often as we had, so we have backed up. We have agreed that we are going to hold off until we pray and find out exactly what God wants for us and what is okay in God's eyes. I am asking these questions because I want to follow God and obey Him, but I am not sure what he allows or whatever. Whatever we decide to do we are going to do it sparingly because we do not want our relationship to be totally about the physical side of things. We enjoy hanging out with each other and playing games. We love talking about anything and everything and talking about our families and our own wants and desires. We are very in tune to each other, but now we want to be in tune to God in everything we do even how we show each other our love (I know we kind of did that backwards). Please help with any suggestions that might lead us in the right direction. I have also added some questions about what I have been thinking about and looking for answers. How far is too far? What constitutes sex? Is there a point of no return? Is there a point when it gets too far emotionally? At what point is it is sin? Will God be disappointed if we have accidentally passed this line already? Please help!! Thanks! If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Public Comments

1. I believe that if you are having sex for your pleasure instead of in god's name as a sign of love, you have gone too far.
2. You wrote: "...We have gone farther, all the way to oral, but felt that we should not be going that far, at least as often as we had, so we have backed up..." You're asking if, after giving this guy a b low job, you're following the teachings of your religion? Hm. Pretty liberal religion, I'd say. - Stuart
3. I consider Dry hump as non sex. Oral as non sex. Basically the Real thing is in the real place. but this is just my opinion. I am also sorry to have been a little offensive to anyone about my wording above.
4. Drop the superstitious hangups. If you love this person, show it, In whatever way feels right to the both of you. Just be safe.
5. I did not have the patience to read your entire question. Sorry...one of my fualts. I recently gave a talk on this point, and I think I can help. (Btw, I'm catholic christian, but I don't think that will cause a problem if you are another denomination.) Sex is a very important, special step that can only be acceptable within the bond of marriage. You got this part. Things you might not know: Oral sex is sex. Groping is sex. If your clothes are off, you're having sex. If he has an erection, you're having sex. If you are....wet? You're having sex. If either of you want to do anything above because of what you're doing, you should stop. Sex is not simply a physical act. It's a mental state of affairs. If your genital feelings are aroused, you've crossed the line. The point of abstinence is not to aviod pregnancy, stds, or just follow God's law, those these things are important. Abstinence is a way of telling your man that you REALLY love him. Love him enough to wait for him. That includes everything listed above, and everything that leads to sin...which is a little deeper than exchange of semen, right?
6. Do you love each other? Ok, so what's wrong with physical love between two people who love each other? If your god has a problem with that, you need to find a new god. Also how do you have sex 'in God's name'? Is that like when a priest molests a child?
7. Sex is what you make it. If sucking him off feels like giving yourself to him, then it is. If you didn't feel like you were having sex, then you weren't. I wouldn't sweat it, though. Your religion is a lie anyway.
8. okay look, im a believer too and maannn, ive messed up before, so i want to start off by telling you that if you need anything just email me.. Okay soo. first of all , your church should have dating rules, because mine does. so we wont get confused. We do not kiss or hug, its not because its bad but its because of what they physical contact could lead to .but if you feel that is okay,then thats fine. Oral sex is way to far, it is sex. and if you know when to stop if your heart condems you. like it did when you kept having oral sex. if you even had to ask if it was wrong, then its wrong.. If you love God you will obstain from such acts, and if you guys love eachother then you will follow that. Please save yourself untill marrige. and if you did pass the line accidentally. OFCOARSE God will forgive. He ALAWAYS does. always. and obstain from acts that will put up temptation in your way. Good luck
9. My opinon is that sex would be taken things to far, but then again I haven't been in your situation. I think that since you already know that you are going to get married just wait, and plus if you wait things will be SO much more special on your wedding night just because you both have been wanting it for so long. Plus, just incase something ends up happening and you don't end up together you don't want to have given up your virginity. I personally think oral is gross but i don't think you are taking it to far. I mean you already not participating in sex so don't feel bad for do something to satisfy your desires. Also i don't think you hae sinned so don't worry so much.
10. You are not going to be able to stop, is the bottom line. In fact, you have already had sex. Oral sex is sex. How old are you, anyway? If you are really in love and plan to get married, what is stopping you? Why don't you just get married now? That is what the Apostle Paul would say. (for it is better to marry than to burn [with lust]) You may say that you don't have money right now, but if you are in college already, that is not going to make a difference in your finances. I suggest you begin birth control pills now, because that time when you do "slip up" and have sex, which it is only a matter of time until you do, you will REALLY be in a bind when you find out you are pregnant. Also, because of the fact that you are already writing this question, it is obvious to me that you already know the answer. You are looking for a legalistic way to be intimate without "technically" having "sex". You know that I am right, deep down. Hey, I was young once. I am also a very devout Christian, in fact, somewhat of a fundie chick. I would have gotten married even younger than I did, but I lived in a different state from my bf. That was in the days before computers and cell phones, btw.
11. In "God's" eyes, you've already gone too far. Any sexual act is a sin (supposedly) if you're not married. Oral is still a form of sex...anything that ends with an orgasm pretty much can be constituted as sex. I think all that born-again virgins are delusional...you've already had someone's penis in your vagina. There's no taking it back. As soon as you do it there's no going back. It means you're no longer a virgin. I'm pretty sure God's going to be pissed if you do it. He's probably pissed now that you went down on each other. Might as well just stop fighting the urge and have sex with your boyfriend...you can apologize later. Besides...you can't really expect to ever get an answer from someone you can't see (no offense in your choice to have religion), so why hold out on your boyfriend? You two are the only ones that can decide what feels right for you to be doing together.
12. I applaud you for being this way and for seeking God. God will not condemn you for making love to your partner, God considers what goes on in your bed is clean as long as it stays between the two of you. If this plans to be your life long partner then no God will not send you to hell for making love. this unifies the two of you and your love for each other, and God understands our desires and He gives us the desires of our heart. Put God first and everything else will fall into place.
13. hello and god bless you as well. sex is anything beyond heavy petting from what i have come to understand, so no oral oral or beyond is my understanding. from the psalms it gives you the best clues, in one of them solomon explains how sex had destroyed his body and taken him far from God and the wisdom he was given to lead. so i took that as anything through sexual style contact that could damage our body. here is a reassuring thought( you can't disappoint God when you do mess up in your life) I have had it explained like this God sees our lives like a parade and he is sitting in the goodyear blimp.He can see the start and the finish and everything in between. emotionally there is no going to far unless you replace God with your sig other(other than that how can you have agape love without going all the way emotionally) if i can be of anymore help just contact me good luck
14. There is no right answer and, unfortunately, no one can really give you a definitive quote from God himself. It all depends on your perspective and interpretation of the Bible and what is moral. I wouldn't characterize your past conduct as necessarily branding you as immoral people or implying that you lack faith. Clearly, you care about your faith or you would not be asking this question. My point on perspective is this: If you ask very conservative Christians, they will consider that anything beyond kissing is too far. Many of those conferences probably lean on that side of the fence. On the other hand, I think there are some more liberal Christians who drink alcohol (in moderation), engage in certain physical conduct with boyfriend/girlfriends, and dance. It depends on striking the right balance. God is not a lawyer (at least, I don't think so) and doesn't take out a dictionary to figure out what constitutes sex. So, it doesn't matter about parsing definitions of sex as if you are Bill Clinton. From my legal perspective, sex is what you think it is (male into female part). If you allow other forms of sexual gratification, it is different. In my opinion, some of those other forms are equal to, or worse than, the actual act of sex. Whatever you chose, it is difficult to be sinless and God does not expect sinless followers. If God were permanently disappointed, what would be the point of asking for forgiveness if you cannot erase that disappointment? Moreover, if you were blacklisted because of having been physical with a girlfriend/boyfriend, there would be more than a few empty pews in the church. But, be careful. If you are both engaged in "hot and heavy" conduct, it could lead to more than you are prepared to accept. If that happens, it will cause a lot of stress in your relationship. The disappointment, in that case, will be your own. By the way, don't get married just so it is "permissible" to have sex (not that you would do that). I just offer this warning because I think that is one thing that too often leads to divorce.